Monday, June 1, 2009

The Plague

When our nightmare began, my good friend, Amy gave me some advice on how to deal with Andrew's death. One thing that she told me is don't be surprised if people treat you like you have the plague. Now I know how true that is. I know what it's like for people to avoid the subject. It's easier for them to just look the other way or not to acknowledge us or Andrew at all. Well I have news for those people, nothing hurts more than someone not acknowledging us or our baby. If you know of someone that has lost a baby, don't be afraid to say something to them. More than likely, they'll want to talk about their baby. Even if you just say "I'm sorry" that's better than saying nothing at all. As much as it hurts, I want to talk about Andrew. No, Steve and I do not sit around talking about him all the time but I know we're thinking about him constantly. He is our son. Our second son and we will never deny him. So if you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

Moving on, I cannot believe it's June 1st. Matthew will be turning 2 at the end of this month. Where has the time gone? We're having an Elmo themed birthday party for him. He LOVES Elmo. I can't wait for him to see Elmo (well the Elmo decor) at his birthday party, I think he'll be very excited!

We've been going back and forth about going on vacation this summer. We had talked about going away on Andrew's due date but that might not work out for us. I would love to go to the beach and just relax. That sounds good right about now.


Tamara said...

I'm sorry that you are dealing with what Amy dealt with as far as some people ignoring the subject.

Wow, 2 years old. I remember when you first announced you were pregnant with Matthew and then we went to Niagara Falls, LMAO at memories of that trip!

I hope you find some time to get away this summer.

Nicole said...

The sting of others not acknowledging your loss is so hurtful. I know. Especially if that neglect comes from those closest to you. I pray you'll discover new friends through this journey that will know just what to do and say. Thinking of you, especially now, when the loss is so fresh and so raw.

Whitney said...

I just found your blog and read your story. I'm sick with sadness for you. We lost our son to trisomy 18 just 3 months ago and I would never want to go back to those first few weeks after he died. It gets easier, even though in some ways, I don't ever want it to be easier to deal with the fact that my child is gone. It's just a terribly painful wound that never really seems to heal. I'm so, so sorry.
I'll be praying for you and your family.

Cara said...

Shelly - I am so very sorry for all that you lost when Andrew died. Losing a child is excruciating. Our first, Emma Grace was born still on Sept 8th, 2000 at 40 weeks and 1 day.

I look forward to reading and hugging you tightly through your grief - as tight as blogs will allow...

please feel free to add your Andrew to our wall of angels.