Wednesday, June 24, 2009

2 Years Old

On Sunday, June 28th, Matthew turns 2 years old. Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital. We're having an Elmo themed party. Matthew LOVES Elmo so I'm sure he's gonna love his party.

Steve's parents will be here tomorrow from NY. I'm glad they'll be here for a happy event this time.

Last weekend, we took Matthew to the Strawberry Festival parade. He loved it except for when the firetrucks blew their horns. He wasn't too crazy about them. (Head on over to Steve's photo blog to see a few pictures from that day). Speaking of pictures, while we were waiting for the parade to start, Steve was taking random pictures of Matthew. At one point, he missed an opportunity to take a really cute picture of Matthew sitting on the curb reading a little bible that he got from one of the booths at the festival. A lady that was standing nearby made a comment about how cute that picture would have been. Steve says to her that he has thousands of cute pictures of Matthew (that number is exaggerated btw). She proceeds to say "well wait until you have another child, you will only have about 300 pictures of them" Whoa, that was a stab to the heart. I almost said to her "lady, you have no idea". I would give anything to have 300 pictures of Andrew, let alone a thousand pictures of him.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Heavy Heart

It's been a month since we said hello and goodbye to our sweet baby boy. There isn't a day, hour or minute that doesn't go by that Andrew isn't on my mind. Often times, I find myself going through every detail of what happened from the time I found out that Andrew's heart stopped beating to the time we said our final goodbye at the cemetery. I miss our son terribly and wish that things could be different. I should be 36 weeks pregnant right now, not mourning the loss of our son. Last Friday I was suppose to go to a party for my cousin's birthday but I decided not to go because there were going to be 5 pregnant girls there. I tried to be that person that wasn't going to let that bother me but obviously it didn't work. As time goes on, I'm sure it will be easier for me to be in a situation like that but right now, it's not so easy. 

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Weekend Getaway

This past Saturday morning we were heading out to the Toledo Zoo. As we were driving down the road, we made a spontaneous decision to go out of town instead. So we turned the car around, went home and packed for an overnight stay. We kenneled the dogs and headed to the west side of the state. We weren't sure where we were going but we figured it out as we went along. Thank goodness for the navigation system in my car. I don't know how we ever functioned without it. We drove through a couple of small towns and ended up in Ludington for the night. But one of the first towns we drove through was Montague. We came to the center of town and found this....

Most people don't know this but Andrew's room was suppose to be a sailboat theme. We even had a sailboat put on his gravestone. So when I saw this, it reminded me of him. Isn't it beautiful? I wish he could have been with us on this trip although I'm sure he was looking down from heaven and wishing he was with us too.

It was a nice weekend. It was good to get away for a few days. We hope to do it again soon, maybe around the 4th of July. 

Here's a few more pictures from our trip to Lake Michigan...

Tonight will be our first time attending a support group since I delivered Andrew. We hope that it is somewhat helpful to us. We hate that there are so many people out there that have experienced the same or similar thing we have. It's truly heartbreaking to know how many babies do not make it in this world. Although I've been told that Andrew lived a perfect life and I could not agree more. 

Thursday, June 4, 2009

A Poem

A good family friend of ours was inspired by God to write this poem for us. 

One day you will hold my tiny little hands, 
and whisper you've missed me and together we'll stand.

The air is so pure and the flowers so bright,
and mommy guess what? there is no night.

There's nothing to fear and there's joy all around,
and the praises of angels is the most beautiful sound.

There's plenty of children up here that I see,
although I'm quite different, you both wanted me.

Many are sad all the pain they went through,
the world says there's tissue but we know that's not true.

I know I was treasured the day you conceived,
although you couldn't see me, you chose to believe.

I know there's questions about my short life,
but soon we'll be together where there is no strife.

And though I have so very much to learn,
there is something missing and that I discern.

It's the absence I feel from you and dad,
but one day I'll see you so I am not sad.

I came to know your voice and such, 
Matthew's laughter and daddy's touch.

Your prayers of excitement I felt each day,
but things just happened another way.

Please don't cry and don't be sad,
I'll greet you soon, still a little lad.

They say a day is as a thousand years,
so please don't shed another tear.

So mommy and daddy you'll just have to wait, 
but I promise to meet you at the Eastern gate.

Please be there
Love Andrew

Monday, June 1, 2009

The Plague

When our nightmare began, my good friend, Amy gave me some advice on how to deal with Andrew's death. One thing that she told me is don't be surprised if people treat you like you have the plague. Now I know how true that is. I know what it's like for people to avoid the subject. It's easier for them to just look the other way or not to acknowledge us or Andrew at all. Well I have news for those people, nothing hurts more than someone not acknowledging us or our baby. If you know of someone that has lost a baby, don't be afraid to say something to them. More than likely, they'll want to talk about their baby. Even if you just say "I'm sorry" that's better than saying nothing at all. As much as it hurts, I want to talk about Andrew. No, Steve and I do not sit around talking about him all the time but I know we're thinking about him constantly. He is our son. Our second son and we will never deny him. So if you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

Moving on, I cannot believe it's June 1st. Matthew will be turning 2 at the end of this month. Where has the time gone? We're having an Elmo themed birthday party for him. He LOVES Elmo. I can't wait for him to see Elmo (well the Elmo decor) at his birthday party, I think he'll be very excited!

We've been going back and forth about going on vacation this summer. We had talked about going away on Andrew's due date but that might not work out for us. I would love to go to the beach and just relax. That sounds good right about now.